Much to do about writing · Personal

I write therefore I am

ImageLately I’ve been wondering what it is that makes me a writer, if I can even call myself that. I don’t get paid to do this but I do it because writing is an integral part of who I am; without it I don’t know how else I would be able to express myself.

I find writing to be reflective and therapeutic; reading past journals gives me an objective perspective on myself that I doubt I’d have without them. It’s also a form of escapism to me; I lose myself in fictional worlds that I create, forming bonds with characters I invented. But most of all, writing has helped me overcome many difficulties, as well as help me connect with others.

I have a problem trusting and opening up to people, and I find that writing letters to convey how I feel is sometimes the only way to express my emotions, especially with family. During difficult times people have found me to be stoic; devoid of emotion because I would shrug everything off. In reality though, my mind would be racing with a million things to say but not a word would pass my lips. Not even a whisper because I know I’ll end up in tears, and one of my worst fears is that I’ll be seen as weak or vulnerable; traits I don’t want anyone to associate with me.

Because of that writing has become my constant companion, conveying to others what I can’t in a way that I wish I could. Writing has been my solace since I was a child and, as strange as it may seem, may very well be my solace if I live up to 70 years old.

I’ve always felt that everyone has a talent, whether it’s drawing or ice-skating, it’s something that not everyone can do as well as them. But writing? Everyone can write. They’re words put in a certain order on paper. At least that’s what the critic in me says which prompted me to write this post. But if there’s one thing that I hope, it’s that my writing is not just words on paper. As much as I hate being seen as vulnerable, this is vulnerability at its best.  Whether writing is a talent that you’re born with or a skill you have to hone it over time, or a combination of both, I feel that is what makes me a writer. I have an insatiable hunger for it that continues to grow rather than dissipate.

So I’ll always write, on days where I doubt myself as well as days where I believe in myself, unwaveringly.

Because that’s who I am.

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4 thoughts on “I write therefore I am

    1. You don’t read anything that you’ve written before? It’d be impossible for me to stop writing, I’ve thought about not keeping a journal since I’m now 21 but every year that I end a journal Im not ready to just NOT start a new one. It’s been such a huge part of my life and at times I feel like its my crutch as well.

  1. I feel the same some days. I always find it easier to write the things I can’t say out loud. Sometimes it aggravates me but other times I feel like what I express through words is so much more clear than what I could ever say in person.

    1. Exactly. Knew you’d be able to relate. Plus we wrote letters to each other, well I wrote weird random notes and you wrote long letters to me. I feel that we wouldn’t have been able to say those things out loud, the same way that it was written. As intense.

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