I wrote about the gradual loss of friendship before, but something that’s harder to swallow than a bitter slice of grapefruit is abrupt endings with no closure.
About a week ago I had a strange dream about death and when I woke up, the feelings the dream evoked in me lingered for longer than I liked. I told a friend about it and she gave a perspective that made sense; that the dream was metaphorical for either, A: death alluding to that person no longer being in my life, or B: death suggesting that an aspect of that person no longer exists.
I think, subconsciously, I knew that was the case but I didn’t want to address it. It reminded me of something I’d read before, ““I don’t miss you, I miss the person you used to be.” And really, is it any less heartbreaking when you lose someone even though they haven’t actually died? Loss is loss, right?
But after gaining some much-needed perspective I thought Hey, I like my life, I like the people in my life and I sure as hell wouldn’t go back to the past.
Some endings are abrupt. There are no reasons or explanations, it just happens. After thinking about it for longer than I’d like to admit, I realized that some things are not worth salvaging even if you once treasured it.
We don’t always get closure and not every ending is a happy one. Hell, there may not even be an ending. But life goes on. It’s a cliché, yes, but that doesn’t make it untrue. Time doesn’t stop and we either move along with the tide or get left behind, drowning in the past.
I’ve let go of so many things and perhaps I wanted to hold onto something for just a while longer, to bask in the glow of what was. Truth is, I was only holding on because there hadn’t been any closure and without closure I felt stuck.
Oddly enough, the book I was reading while all of this was going on in my head was The Silver Linings Playbook and in some way it helped me. There’s one line in particular that seems fitting for this post, “…you really do need to come to terms with what happened, Pat. You need closure.”
I needed closure. And even though I didn’t get it in conventional terms, I still got it in the end. I have a different perspective now; I see the abrupt ending as ripping a Band-Aid off quickly rather than slowing peeling it off, cringing all the way through the sting.
As human beings we are fallible, but we are also resilient. So whatever heartache life tosses your way, know that you can get through it because every one of us is a lot stronger than we think we are.