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“Don’t try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other.”

With regard to International Women’s Day yesterday, I thought I would write this blog post because this particular topic has been on my mind for quite some time. I’d even go as far as saying that this topic has been on my mind since High School, because most girls didn’t like me and I wondered why.

But what prompted me to write this post is the Facebook statuses and Instagram photos with their Women’s Day captions dedicated to women everywhere yesterday. The disparity between the posts I saw yesterday and the posts I see every other day is the reason this blog post won’t be a typical Women’s Day post because this issue has been going on for too long.

As human beings we have the capacity to encourage and support one another, to be united rather than divided and to celebrate our diversity rather than mock what is different to our own norms.

I found it beautiful and inspiring to see women celebrating one another; as mothers, sisters, daughters and also as doctors, lawyers, teachers etc; women celebrating women for the sacrifices they’ve made and for encompassing many roles within society. I found it beautiful and inspiring, but also ironic.

I found it ironic because every single day women post judgmental comments on social networking sites that are hurtful and malicious.  Whether it is judging another women’s lifestyle, fashion sense or what food she prefers on a Friday night, those catty remarks are everywhere.

meangirls

For every negative comment there are a hundred more showing love and support but, why the negativity in the first place?

One thing in particular that bothers me is that we as women are always saying that we should not be put into boxes, that we as women can be and do anything. But what I’ve found is that many women’s definition for ‘be and do anything’ is limited to what they think should be the definition for all women. Opinions and different perspectives are passed off as ‘correct’ lifestyle choices and anyone outside of this lifestyle choice is judged harshly.

We’re either seen as too soft and not assertive enough, or too assertive and not soft enough. Women who choose to have children from the age of 35 and up are seen as selfish whereas women who choose to have children earlier are seen as unambitious. Here’s my take on it: having children does not make you a woman. Neither does having a job. And both are not mutually exclusive.

I find it insulting when women degrade the role of a mother, because, essentially, you’re degrading your own mother. I also find it insulting when women’s dreams are seen as invalid and unattainable for whatever reason. And again I ask, why all the negativity? A better question would be, why is all this negativity coming from and directed at women?

Why don’t we support each other for the different roles we play? Why don’t we value each other’s worth in society instead of putting every other woman who is different to us into a box, on a shelf, labelled, “disappointment.”

We all have different ambitions and definitions of success. Everyone’s path to happiness is paved in their own way and what makes one of us happy can’t be said for all of us.

So, as beautiful and inspiring as the posts were yesterday, why can’t this be done every day?

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6 thoughts on ““Don’t try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other.”

  1. I found this page cause I too was thinking about the issue of women that seem to hate women. I happened upon a couple of female youtube vloggers and was surprised at their apparent sense of seperateness…talking about how bad other women are and sympathizing with men. Then youtube began feeding me other vlogs from similar women (I’ve since discovered google’s youtube channel blocker).

    I like the line in this article about how women are treated as too soft and not assertive enough or too assertive and not soft enough. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I think men have the same problem. A man acts like a gentleman and he’s called too soft, not confident enough, but when he acts confident he is sometimes accused of being bullish and not sensitive enough. It’s quite possible that women suffer worse from this dilemma.

    I think there is a bit of a problem where people, without realizing it, condemn themselves when they condemn others. Women hating women, men hating men, humans hating humans. Finding fault with other people within your group…..if what others’ in your group do is fault, then being part of the same group, are you that different to them? What they do is fault, but what you do isn’t? Of course people judge other sexes, other races, other classes, feeling that they are so different that you don’t catch any of your own judgement, but I think you always do. I’ve made a hypocrite of myself before….judging someone else’s behavior as though I myself never behave that way. When I catch myself behaving in ways that I judged someone else for behaving in, I guess I have to either judge myself just as harshly or decide not to judge others so harshly in the future.

    1. Hi 🙂
      What you said is interesting because there’s a saying, Im not sure of the exact wording but, it talks about how we make excuses for ourselves for certain behaviour. But we condemn others for that exact behaviour. I think there’s some psychology behind it.

      I think it’s great that youre aware of it; too few people are. I found myself in the same boat as a teenager but now as a 24 year old I judge less harshly because I don’t know someone else’s heart except my own. I think more people should worry about what they’re doing and less about what others are doing.

      And in terms of women hating other women etc, I don’t see that going away anytime soon. There’s so much shaming that goes on, women who wear makeup trashing the women who don’t and vice versa, and that’s just one of the more ‘trivial’.
      I definitely agree that it goes beyond just women. It’s a Universal shitty thing that people need to be more aware of in order to change how they think and how they react to certain situations.

      1. Hello Tasneem, thanks for replying. I only just noticed this. I’m glad you sympathize with the stuff I was saying. After reading what you say, I think about people’s insecurities. Sometimes a person just feels so inferior to another that they end up trying to hurt them in order to feel ok about themselves. People always compare themselves to others, but that is partly because they have always BEEN compared to others. It can be very hard for a person to just say “I don’t care how I compare to him or her” and not feel the need to do something drastic to measure up to others.

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